Ten Tips To Help You Survive Your Divorce
1. Educate Yourself
The better informed you are the better decisions you will make. Ending your marriage can be an emotional roller coaster and you may not be in the best position to make important decisions that will impact your future. You do need to understand the divorce process and understand your financial situation and your financial options. The more informed you are about the divorce process, the better position you will in to manage your divorce. Educating yourself will also help relieve some of your stress.
2. Make Sure Your Expectations are Realistic
You need to prepare yourself for the changes that are coming. It is unrealistic to expect that you will have the same lifestyle as you had in your marriage. Where you once shared a single home with your spouse there will now be two homes to maintain and all the associated expenses that go with each. If you want to have an amicable separation, both sides will need to compromise in some way to accommodate your new arrangements. Divorce is a new beginning for you. If your expectations are too high you are setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment.
3. Remain Calm When Dealing with Your Spouse
Easier said then done. Your goal is to get through your divorce as quickly and smoothly as possible so you can get on with your life. Don’t say anything that may inflame the situation. There may be hurt and anger on both sides but attacking your spouse will not serve you well. If you are responding to emails, limit your reply’s to just the facts. Keep the emails cordial and leave out the blame, the sarcasm or the anger. Write your email and wait at least an hour before you send it. Read it again to make sure it is has all the emotional statements removed. Emails wars are never a good thing.
4. Focus on The Positive of Your Situation
If you have decided to end your marriage then you have done it because you knew it was time for a change for the better. Think of your new opportunities and the unlimited possibilities you have for your future. It can be a liberating experience and you deserve the life that you want for yourself. Yes, separation can be challenging but every person I have ever talked to who has gone through a divorce has survived the experience and had no regrets about their decision.
5. Seek Help When You Need It
There are many professional resources available for you, professionals who specialize in assisting individuals going through a separation or divorce. Divorce coaches, financial planners, therapists, real estate agents, money coaches, insurance brokers and mortgage brokers. The time and money spend on these services could potentially save you money and unnecessary stress.
6. Avoid Aggressive Lawyers
Hiring a litigious lawyer will make your divorce into a battle. Although It is recommended you get Independent Legal Advice (ILA), be very careful when choosing your lawyer. You don’t need a lawyer who will make promises and fight for you at all costs. In the end, it will be a judge that makes any final decisions on issues that remain unresolved. You will have a much better chance of divorcing amicably if you hire a lawyer who is knowledgeable, yet reasonable and on board with helping you divorce in the least destructive way possible.
7. Screen out the Free Advice
Your situation is unique and your reasons for ending your marriage are known only to you. What worked for your brother or friend or neighbour will not necessarily apply to you. People with “Good Intentions” may give you all kinds of unsolicited advice. Say thanks and but take it with a grain of salt. You need to find answers from reputable resources (example: government publications) or professionals who are experienced in helping separating couples going through a divorce.
8. Avoid Dating Before Your Divorce is final
Starting a new relationship while you are still negotiating the terms of your own divorce can be hazardous. This situation has the potential to impact your existing relationship with your spouse; usually in a negative way. A new person in your life can complicate matters, especially if there are children involved. What was once an amicable relationship with your ex, can turn ugly very quickly. If possible, before you date, get your divorce finalized. It just makes things far simpler. Use this time to work on yourself.
9. Look after Yourself
Ending a marriage is probably one of the most difficult, stressful and emotionally draining experiences one can go through. There is life after a divorce and it is important to love and care for yourself while you are coping with all this change. You need to stay balanced and healthy during this time. Get plenty of rest and exercise. Do not drink in excess. Reach out to your friends for support. Change your routine, find a new hobby or take the opportunity to check off some items on your bucket list.
10. Consider Divorce Mediation Services
This option is for separating couples who want an amicable end to their marriage. Positive Solutions Divorce Services® assists separating couples save time, save money and save stress. We avoid the expense of unnecessary legal fees by working with you to create a Separation Agreement through mediation. At the end of our process you will have an agreement that works for all parties. Once signed, it becomes a legally binding document. We offer specialized packages so you will know your costs upfront.
Legal Disclaimer: Information on this website may contain legal information but is not to be interpreted as legal advice. It is strongly recommended that you obtain Independent Legal Advice (ILA) before signing any documentation arising out of the end of your marriage or common law relationship.